What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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