My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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