smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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