u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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