I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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