o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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