There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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