Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
