So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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