I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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