i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your cock deserves a montage
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
