Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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