At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I just sharted jello shots
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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