Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
