Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
