TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Enjoy the penises
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
