Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
