I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my poor anus
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
