it wasn't lemon gatorade
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
