WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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