It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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