Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
