We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
