This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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