Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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