sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize