She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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