and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
