"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
where am i from again
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
