I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
