I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
