You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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