I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
