I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this just has baby written all over it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
