i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
