i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I want is dick and wine.
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