i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Panties = found
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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