I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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