some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
