I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
