The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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