No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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