i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
