TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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