I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
