You're so nebulous sometimes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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