I'm going to jail i love you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
