Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
