My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
