I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sext me about skeletons
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize