god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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