i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
