I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
